Starting School and After-School Collapse: Strategies for Parents

Starting school is an exciting milestone, but for many children it triggers a change in behaviour - the “after-school collapse.” Your child might seem fine all day at school, but suddenly becomes tired, irritable, clingy and emotional once at home.

School is full of new experiences, rules, and expectations. Even children who appear confident and happy during the day are expending a huge amount of emotional and cognitive energy, which leaves them tired.

After-school collapse can occur because:

• Social and emotional fatigue: Managing friendships, interactions with teachers, and navigating playground dynamics can be draining.

• Cognitive load: Learning new routines, subjects, and skills all day requires focus and can tire the brain.

• Sensory overload: Noise, bright lights, and crowded spaces can overwhelm sensitive children.

• Delayed stress response: Some children can “hold it together” at school but release tension once in a safe environment.

At home, you might notice:

• Sudden mood swings or irritability

• Emotional upheaval (crying, yelling)

• Withdrawal and/or clinginess

• Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue

• Loss of appetite or over-eating (especially if they haven’t had enough time to est during the day, or have been too anxious to do so!)

Strategies for Parents

Here are some practical strategies to support your child during this transition:

1. Prepare for the transition:

   • Give your child a heads-up about what will happen after school. For example, “When you get home, you can have a snack and then we’ll read together.” Visual posters and charts can help displayed in your kitchen or their bedroom to cue routines.

   • Establish a consistent after-school routine to create predictability and safety.

2. Create a decompression period:

   • Allow 15–30 minutes of downtime for your child to relax before expecting conversation or tasks. Sometimes staying back at school on the playground, or going for a walk can be a great idea to allow connection to nature, outside play, movement and fresh air.

   • Provide quiet activities such as drawing, listening to music, or building with blocks.

3. Provide nourishment and hydration:

   • A healthy snack and water can help replenish energy and stabilize mood. It can be a helpful idea to meet your child at the school gate or classroom door with a small snack, so that they can get some food in their stomachs after a long day.

4. Validate feelings:

   • Acknowledge your child’s emotions: “I can see you’re really tired and frustrated. School can be hard work.”

   • Encouraging expression through words, art, or play helps your child process the day.

   • Focus on settling and down regulation. Questions about their day can come later. Often asking “How was your day?” whilst a child is dysregulated can make things worse.

5. Model coping strategies:

   • Show calm breathing techniques, gentle stretching, or mindfulness exercises. Blowing bubbles, using a stress fidget, and movement can all help manage anxiety.

   • Children learn from observing how adults manage stress.

6. Maintain consistent bedtime routines:

   • Consistent sleep routines are very helpful for improving emotional regulation.

7. Communicate with school staff if needed:

   • If your child consistently struggles, speak with teachers about classroom expectations, breaks, or strategies that may help.

     
     

Remember: It’s Normal

After-school collapse is common and usually resolves as children adjust and become more comfortable with the demands of school. With patience, understanding, and consistent routines, children gradually adapt to school life. The key is to provide a safe, predictable, and supportive environment where they can unwind and process their day.

Gentle reminder: A little support can go a long way - don’t hesitate to reach out.

Exhausted after a long day at school, a child takes a moment to rest on a swing in the park, arms wrapped around knees and head down.