This article is the fourth and final part of my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. The theory behind emotional regulation often makes sense until we're activated ourselves. When your child is yelling at you, refusing to get dressed when you needed to leave ten minutes ago, hitting their sibling, or having a meltdown over something that seems completely disprop

This article is the third in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. A child has hurt their sibling. You try to talk to them about what happened and, instead of showing the remorse you expected, they become angry. “It wasn't my fault!” “He started it!” “I don't care!” Perhaps they refuse to talk about it altogether, insist they didn't do anything, or become i

This article is the second in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. In the previous article, I explained how our brain’s survival system responds when it perceives danger, and why children can find it much harder to think, reason and make considered choices when that system is highly activated. When our nervous system detects threat or overwhelm, it can move u

This article is the first in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. One of the things I often teach children and parents in therapy is what actually happens in our brain when we become scared, angry or overwhelmed. Once we understand why our brain reacts the way it does, some of our behaviour starts to make much more sense. Our brain was built to keep us alive

It can be difficult to know when a child is going through a normal stage of development and when some extra support might help. Children go through periods of worry, big emotions, changes in behaviour, friendship difficulties and challenging developmental stages. These don't always mean that something is wrong or that your child needs counselling. Rather than looking for one particular sign, it can be helpful to think about what has changed for your child, how long it has bee

When your child finds everyday life harder than other children seem to, it's difficult not to wonder what that might mean for their future. Often I meet children who find school, and the wider world, a challenging place to be. There can be a lot to manage in an ordinary day: noise, bright lights, transitions, busy classrooms, lots of people, changing expectations and the complicated social task of working out where you fit. For some children, particularly those who are anxiou

Sometimes parenting isn't hard because we don't know what to do. It's hard because we're trying to respond to our child's needs while carrying our own stress, history, expectations and emotions too. There’s a hidden taboo in parenting: that sometimes it feels really hard. It can feel too shameful to think, let alone say out loud. But two things can be true at the same time. You can love your child deeply, want to parent well, and put enormous effort into understanding childre

If you've found yourself Googling this question at some point - possibly late at night, possibly while your child is finally asleep - you're already doing something right. You're paying attention. And that matters more than you might think. The truth is, most parents who wonder whether their child needs help or counselling aren't overreacting. They're picking up on something real. The tricky part is knowing what to do with that feeling. That nagging sense that something's "of

Many of the adults I work with don't arrive describing themselves as someone with childhood trauma. They arrive saying something more like: "I don't know why I keep pulling away from people I love." "I lose it with my kids over small things and then feel terrible." "I promised myself I'd be different from my parents - but I can hear myself saying the exact same things." "My partner says I'm emotionally unavailable. I don't know how to change that." These aren't character flaw

Starting school is an exciting milestone, but for many children it triggers a change in behaviour - the “after-school collapse.” Your child might seem fine all day at school, but suddenly becomes tired, irritable, clingy and emotional once at home. School is full of new experiences, rules, and expectations. Even children who appear confident and happy during the day are expending a huge amount of emotional and cognitive energy, which leaves them tired. After-school collapse c