Counselling

This article is the fourth and final part of my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. The theory behind emotional regulation often makes sense until we're activated ourselves. When your child is yelling at you, refusing to get dressed when you needed to leave ten minutes ago, hitting their sibling, or having a meltdown over something that seems completely disprop

This article is the third in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. A child has hurt their sibling. You try to talk to them about what happened and, instead of showing the remorse you expected, they become angry. “It wasn't my fault!” “He started it!” “I don't care!” Perhaps they refuse to talk about it altogether, insist they didn't do anything, or become i

This article is the second in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. In the previous article, I explained how our brain’s survival system responds when it perceives danger, and why children can find it much harder to think, reason and make considered choices when that system is highly activated. When our nervous system detects threat or overwhelm, it can move u

This article is the first in my Understanding Children’s Emotions and Behaviour series, exploring the brain’s survival system, fight, flight, freeze and fawn, shame, and co-regulation. One of the things I often teach children and parents in therapy is what actually happens in our brain when we become scared, angry or overwhelmed. Once we understand why our brain reacts the way it does, some of our behaviour starts to make much more sense. Our brain was built to keep us alive

When children and teenagers talk about feeling lonely, that may feel confusing to us because they don’t seem alone. They may have friends at school, people to sit with at lunchtime, classmates they talk to and activities they’re involved in. From the outside, they look socially connected, but their experience of those relationships may be quite different. A child can have a group of friends and still feel the absence of one close friend who really knows them and just gets the

I’ve been thinking lately about how strange adult friendship can be. You can have people you really like, people you would describe as close friends, and still only manage to see them every month or two. When you do catch up, it’s great. You talk easily, fill each other in on what has been happening and probably say at some point that you really need to do this more often. Then you get the calendars out and realise that between work, children, family commitments, weekends awa

Adults usually communicate their experiences through words. For children, particularly younger children, this isn't always possible. Children may not yet have the language, emotional awareness or developmental capacity to sit down and explain what they're worried about, why they're angry, or what has been happening for them. Instead, children naturally communicate and make sense of their world through play. Play therapy provides children with a developmentally appropriate way

It can be difficult to know when a child is going through a normal stage of development and when some extra support might help. Children go through periods of worry, big emotions, changes in behaviour, friendship difficulties and challenging developmental stages. These don't always mean that something is wrong or that your child needs counselling. Rather than looking for one particular sign, it can be helpful to think about what has changed for your child, how long it has bee

When your child finds everyday life harder than other children seem to, it's difficult not to wonder what that might mean for their future. Often I meet children who find school, and the wider world, a challenging place to be. There can be a lot to manage in an ordinary day: noise, bright lights, transitions, busy classrooms, lots of people, changing expectations and the complicated social task of working out where you fit. For some children, particularly those who are anxiou

Sometimes parenting isn't hard because we don't know what to do. It's hard because we're trying to respond to our child's needs while carrying our own stress, history, expectations and emotions too. There’s a hidden taboo in parenting: that sometimes it feels really hard. It can feel too shameful to think, let alone say out loud. But two things can be true at the same time. You can love your child deeply, want to parent well, and put enormous effort into understanding childre

If you've found yourself Googling this question at some point - possibly late at night, possibly while your child is finally asleep - you're already doing something right. You're paying attention. And that matters more than you might think. The truth is, most parents who wonder whether their child needs help or counselling aren't overreacting. They're picking up on something real. The tricky part is knowing what to do with that feeling. That nagging sense that something's "of

Many of the adults I work with don't arrive describing themselves as someone with childhood trauma. They arrive saying something more like: "I don't know why I keep pulling away from people I love." "I lose it with my kids over small things and then feel terrible." "I promised myself I'd be different from my parents - but I can hear myself saying the exact same things." "My partner says I'm emotionally unavailable. I don't know how to change that." These aren't character flaw

Anxiety and stress are prevalent among teens. They can manifest in various ways, often leading to emotional and physical challenges. Understanding these issues is essential for providing effective support. How Anxiety and Stress Affect Adolescents Adolescence is a time of rapid change. Physical growth, social pressures, and academic demands can create a heavy load. Anxiety is a feeling of worry or fear that can be mild or intense. Stress is the body's response to challenges o

Sleep is a vital part of growing up, yet many children and teens struggle to get the rest they need. Establishing good sleep hygiene and routines can make a world of difference in their mood, behaviour, and overall well-being. I want to share some gentle, practical tips that can help create a peaceful bedtime environment and encourage healthy sleep habits for young ones. Why Sleep Hygiene Matters for Young Minds Sleep hygiene refers to the habits and environmental factors tha

Starting school is an exciting milestone, but for many children it triggers a change in behaviour - the “after-school collapse.” Your child might seem fine all day at school, but suddenly becomes tired, irritable, clingy and emotional once at home. School is full of new experiences, rules, and expectations. Even children who appear confident and happy during the day are expending a huge amount of emotional and cognitive energy, which leaves them tired. After-school collapse c